January 31, 2013

Patchie [Prepares]

As the first month of 2013 draws to a close I'm watching my little calendar slowly start to fill...as the months grow warmer the events start piling up. I start every year putting everything on my calendar - I view it as a "wish list." If I had all the money, and all the time, and none of the obligations, I would love to do all these things. Festivals and weekend trips and visits to longtime friends in other states. New cities, new faires, new faces. Time by the beach. Time in the mountains.

When I was younger I had all the time. I didn't have the money. Now I'm in a limbo between the two - I have more money than I did before, but not as much time. As life moves on, I know I'm going to go through a decade or two where I have neither time or money, and I'm trying to take advantage of what I can while I can.

I wish I was bolder. I wish, instead of 15 little trips, I'd be brave enough to say "this. This is the year I'm going to Europe." And then I'd book my flight, book my hotel, and go. By myself, with someone, neither would stop me.

I've lost a lot of confidence in the last year or so. I put on weight and lost some of my fire. I only felt pretty in my garb. I only felt confident standing behind my actors when I directed a play.

I'm starting to do something about it. I'm running and practicing portion control, and in three weeks I've lost 4 pounds. It's the tip of the iceberg, but it's a start. In three weeks, I already have more energy. More energy and less weight will eventually translate to confidence and fire. I know it will.

2013, so far, is shaping up.

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