April 20, 2012
Secondly, I finally caved and bought a solid shampoo bar and conditioner bar from Lush, and I know no one comes here for reviews, but I used them last night and holy crap does my hair feel amazing. It's a little expensive, but apparently they last a really long time and it's only been one use, but I think I'm hooked. Too bad the closest store is an hour away. I've also never had the "scent" of a shampoo/conditioner linger so long in my hair. It's pretty fantastic.
Thirdly, while at the mall we swung into a modern furniture store to take a moment to sit and such, and I somehow hurt my knee trying to get out of a Love Sac. Seriously. It's a thing. But now I'm on day two of being all wrapped up in an ace bandage and while it's not getting worse, it's not much better. But it's not very swollen either, so I'm going to give it until the end of the weekend to see how it goes before making any sort of doctors appointment. This is like the old days when I used to get hurt in soccer all the time. I forgot how much this sucked.
Lastly, I do still have DC pictures to share and it sounds like I may have time to prepare them over the weekend, finally. I have a bit more to accomplish this weekend than I did last weekend, but I'm hoping for some decent down time, too. Especially since the next two weekends are going to be very busy, and then we get into crunch time for my show!
April 18, 2012
I feel like I've settled into this week like an old routine. It makes sense - last week was anything but and the only day that I'm doing anything out of the ordinary is today - I'll be shooting up to Annapolis to spend time with my faire girls this evening. Usually weeks like this, where it feels like life will forever be a repeat of itself week after week, annoy me. This time it's comforting.
I still have DC pictures to share with you from two weeks ago, but I want to take the time to get those pictures put together properly instead of stealing pictures off my phone like the last few posts have been (sorry about that). Hopefully by the end of the week!
Thanks for hanging in there, those who still pop in and take the time to read my ramblings. I know it's been a dreary couple of months. Nicer weather brings more adventures and a better attitude, so here's to spring!
at 10:30 AM
April 16, 2012
I had an awful week last week.
Really, I ruined it for myself. But something happened early in the week that I couldn't shake and it made everything else feel so much worse than it should have. This thing happened. I got yelled at by a customer and this thing happened. My evening plans were cancelled and this thing happened. I found a hole in my favorite shirt and this thing happened, along with every other little thing that week.
I don't shake things well. I watch people who are so easy going and let things roll right off their back and I envy them. I've had anxiety since I was very little. I see every way something can go wrong, yet I know I can't see every way and those unknowns keep me awake at night.
It makes me a good Stage Manager.
But it also makes me crazy. It gives me weeks like last week and moments like last Thursday where I smile through rehearsal and do my job and then on the way home I pull over because I can't breathe. I have an ex who used to induce panic and anxiety attacks whenever he figured out he was losing an argument. I am with someone now who understands that this is something I've been living with all my life and sometimes I just need to ride the wave. I am so much better than I was 4 years ago which was probably the peak of my anxiety and when I probably should have gotten help. But sometimes it bubbles up and over the edge, and then I can't breathe. And I feel very alone.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for help or sympathy and I'm not making excuses for myself or my actions. Almost 26 years in it's no longer an excuse. Sometimes I just have bad days. Much more rarely, I have bad weeks. And last week was one of them.
But the weekend was a weekend I needed desperately. Friday after work The Boy took me into DC for the evening. Saturday I had a fantastic rehearsal and then laid low for the rest of the day, accomplishing little things and having a lot of downtime. Sunday was a lot of the same and ended with some social time and watching The Boy perform in a karaoke contest. I don't have a lot of weekends with that much down time, but when I have a week like the one before I need it badly.
There are a lot of people who love and support me. And when I'm riding that anxiety wave, I need to look back on posts like this.
The wave ends eventually. I will always come out the other side. And yes, the grass is greener over here.
April 5, 2012
It was the first Jewish wedding I had ever been to and I absolutely loved seeing all the traditions and what was the same and what was different. It took place at the Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore which I hope to hit again some day when I can really explore the exhibits. This made photography a little hard though - they have strict rules where you can't take pictures of any of the exhibits (artistic integrity and all that) unless someone in the wedding party is in front of it, so while I snuck in one or two I'm not going to share them here. But the space was awesome and represented the couple fantastically. And the food? Oh my gosh, best food ever. There was a TON of it and I wanted to eat so much more than I did, but if I had eaten any more I would have exploded. I honestly didn't take a whole ton of pictures - I wasn't the hired photographer, I was a guest and I wanted to enjoy the wedding as such. I took some when I felt like it and got a couple good ones, but focused my energy on dancing and socializing and really having an excellent time. Energy used well - it was a fantastic night!
Oh, and I caught the bouquet, and one of the theatre kids caught the garter. Hysterically awkward. Marizabeth took a lot more pictures than I did, and hes are here. To my knowledge this is the last wedding that's currently on the "agenda" for right now, which is strange because I went to three over the course of like, a month this time last year. But I love weddings and can't wait to see which one will come up next!
April 4, 2012
Monday I headed up to the National Harbor to meet up with some friends from college for dinner. One of them I hadn't seen since we graduated. I really feel blessed that my core group from college and I are able to go long periods of time without talking but still pick up right where we left off. It was great being able to catch up and laugh and joke around with one another. Some things change and yet a lot manages to stay the same. It was like a mini time warp, sitting in the Cadillac Ranch with them and laughing and joking like we used to down in North Carolina. I'm looking forward to being able to spend more time with them now that they are local.
I need to take more time to have a change of scenery, especially now with the weather getting nicer. I did it a lot last year and loved it but fell out of the habit when live exploded with business and stress over the winter and the weather got colder (and the hours of daylight shorter). Having rehearsals this spring makes that a little harder, but it's a habit I know I can get back in to!
April 3, 2012
To The Boy:
We turn two years old today!
Last year I was a little sappy, but I love going back back reading it because I feel exactly the same way today. I love how you make me feel and I love how I have never been happier with being myself and accomplishing what I have because you make every tiny milestone extra special.
Things have changed in the last year, and they've changed for the better. We've hit a couple little bumps and gotten a few bruises, but I've never been able to talk to someone like I can to you. I never knew that talking about things can actually lead to resolution and understanding rather than tears and frustration. I can tell you my hopes dreams and fears and you know exactly how to respond every single time. It's a gift I will never take for granted.
I love how our desire to go out and experience life hasn't changed. I love that even though your work schedule has gotten insane you make sure we get our time together. I love that we go into a city or on a trip and it can be someplace we've been hundreds of times before but we always stumble into someplace new.
I love how no matter what stupid or silly thing comes out of my mouth, it makes you laugh. I love your energy and how infectious it is. I love that while "normal" couples mostly have pictures like the one above, we tend to more often rock the look below.
Thank you for loving me for the person I am, faults and all. Thank you for always holding my hand and kissing me goodnight. Thank you for always wanting to be a part of everything I do. Thank you for supporting me in all my crazy little endeavors, from photography to theatre to letting the Renaissance Festival steal me for eight weekends in the fall. Thank you for dancing with me, even though you don't always want to. Thank you for telling me you love me every day and making sure I know how much you mean it.
I mean it too, love.