August 5, 2010

Patchie [Stumbles]

I made the most amazing shrimp dish EVER the other night, but it's gonna wait probably another day or two. Right now I'm going to complain about how life is hard and the fact that MY FINGER STILL HURTS.

I spend my days trapped in a house where I can't be proactive because I have two temperamental girls who refuse to spend time outside (in their defense, it's been really hot). I spend my time off work job hunting and worrying about money and the fall. I put myself under a lot of pressure. I was down about it to begin with. But then someone came and talked to me about it, someone who's opinion has mattered since birth and someone who I've always trusted.

And the thing is...if this person doesn't believe that I'm going to get anywhere in life, how am I supposed to believe it?

It's like a poison. It's been injected and now it wont come out. It's slowly taking over. Because the stubborn Taurus in me is sitting here wanting to do nothing but prove them wrong. The conscious part of me knows it's not true, but subconsciously...poison is poison. It doesn't go away by ignoring it.

I don't like the person it's turning me in to. I feel constantly agitated. My fuse is short. I feel defeated, and nothing's even technically defeated me yet.

Last night was good, though. I made some Limoncello ice cream, The Boy came home from work and we sat on the back porch and grilled hot dogs and hamburgers and enjoyed the last little bit of sunlight. And in those moments that's when I remember why I came back home, why I need to keep trying, and why life is good.


kim said...

Forgive me for saying this, but this person doesn't sound like much of a friend or someone who should be trusted.

You are quite an amazing person and I happen to believe you will achieve great things in your life. Deep down I know you believe it too.

Keep on keeping on. Good things will come.

Patchie said...

Thank you, Kim.

People need to pay more attention to HOW things are said, I think. You can put a positive spin on almost anything, and the difference in response is amazing.