March 2, 2010

Patchie [Spills]

I walked into work today, turned on the tv for The Kid, and went to the pantry to look for what we'd have for lunch. And as I opened the door, The Cat looked up at me with big wide eyes, and I asked her how long she'd been in there. She went and tortured the dog.

This happened three more times over the next five hours.

It's time for a change. The job hunt begins again in earnest, and a change is going to be forced upon me a lot sooner than I had originally understood. I feel mildly panicked, a little out of control, slightly able to embrace it, and very, very lost.

I had a moment last night while out with a friend where words just began pouring from my mouth in only a slightly coherent order. It's been a rough few months, which I think is evident as you go through my posts. The little ditties that I had originally planned to base this blog off of became fewer and further between. Pictures became less artistic, posts became less frequent, the tone got a little darker.

Maybe it is all happening for a reason. Maybe the changes I'm facing are going to pull me back to the surface a little. I've been running uphill for months with no gain. I felt like I needed someone to come behind me and push me.

I know that someone has to be me.

There are things I'm gonna miss about that household. I'll miss the days the kid just wants to snuggle up to me on the couch, or when she's being particularly imaginative and writing letters to Oprah and asking for a Snuggie, but it's not where I belong. I've known it since the start.

But I don't need to rush to where I belong, either. And I think I need to remember how to embrace that journey again.

1 comment:

Uncle Keith said...

Sweetheart, that's how it all happens. As you plunge deeper and deeper into post college servitude, life begins to grab you and make you do things, and you feel like you have less and less control of it.

At some points, it becomes like surfing. As you get pulled along, you can see where you are going, and you can keep your balance OK. Those are the good times.