February 5, 2010

Patchie [Wants]

It's been a weird couple of weeks.

I've tried to keep this blog as positive as I can, with the exception of sarcasm or just alluding to the fact that things aren't pointing in the right direction, but I'm making the conscious effort to fix it. With the colder weather I have less adventures, take less pictures, and spend a lot more time at home knitting and watching movies or reading. Life slows down.

The bottom line is end of January through February yearly is hard. It's the dead of winter, it's post-holidays, everyone's poor from the holidays, and Valentines Day is smack in the middle of it. Not because I'm bitter, it's always just been a lot of hype for what always turns into a highly mediocre day.

I don't know if it's Season Affective Disorder or coincidence or if I just expect to feel this way around this time and so I just do out of habit. But I find myself feeling like I'm climbing a gravel mountain and I keep slipping and falling and busting my knees open to not only not make any headway, but to lose ground.

It does not help that this year I am grasping for relationships that suddenly no longer exist or have changed. And in no way does this refer to anything romantic, for the record.

I need an independence vacation, I think. This logic may be purely coming from the fact that this type of vacation immediately makes me picture the beach or being outdoors, and as I watch the snow fall all I want is warm sun and flip flops. But I turned my vacation on the Cape this past summer into finding myself and being comfortable with my independence, and I can feel it slipping in these cold months.

I have a vacation fund. There isn't much in it, but I have recently discovered Travelocity's reduced rate flights list, and realize a round trip to someplace new is entirely possible for a reasonable amount. While I'm a very social person and prefer to travel with others, maybe I need to strike out completely on my own. It's not happening soon but it's not far away, either.

Ever free weekend I've had, I've been snowed in and it's a stressful situation for a few different reasons I don't care to go in to. But my next real day off with no commitments, maybe I need a day in the city like I used to do. Little fixes will have to do for now.


Diana E. said...

When I took up skiing, winter became a LOT more tolerable. I'm serious.

I really understand where you are in this post, though. Entirely too well.

Patchie said...

Exactly one year ago as of Wednesday I opened my first main stage show as a director, and I think because of that I felt much better about life and didn't feel the SAD effects so much. Haven't really been lucky enough to distract myself with anything this year.