Meet Nala, the cat. Nala is The Child's pet and isn't quite a year old yet. There is a bump at the end of her tail, because someone probably shut it in a door and it didn't heal correctly. She doesn't notice.
Nala is an attention whore. And I don't mean that you sit on the couch to watch a movie while The Child naps and she's all up in your business. I mean I'll be making a sandwich and Cat will stand on the bread, put her paws on my shoulders, and lick my lips until I pay attention to her. And then she will stick her head down my shirt. I AM BEING MOLESTED BY A FELINE.
She also has this thing about beating me to the laundry room, like if she doesn't get there first I'll disappear or the house will get sucked into a black hole or a kid will go missing or something. I will be coming from the basement and she'll tear past me like a bat out of hell and get to the laundry room, slip on the linoleum, and then look at me like, "what?"
Cat will also sit on a chair looking all innocent like cats are supposed to be while you're abiding to the kids wishes of 19 glasses of chocolate milk a day and then she will LEAP INTO THE AIR and attack your arm. Just cause.
And then there's everyone's favorite List of Things I Have Almost Or Actually Shut the Cat In:
-The Garbage Disposal
And the list keeps growing.