Patchie [Lists]

It's very easy to hate the holidays. I know plenty of people who do, and they all have their reasons. It's an extremely stressful time of year where money is tight, fuses are short, and we're smack in the face with cold weather again. We get very few hours of daylight. We feel obligated to spend time with family. We have to untangle Christmas lights.

As I sit here, I've been trying to catch up on knitting presents to the point where my fingers ache and the inside of my wrists tingle (I'm assuming the last part isn't normal. But it happens). I was going to do nothing but handmade gifts this year, but time ran away from me. I'm still determined to do as many as possible, even though it will be more stressful. Anyway.

There are things I look forward to every year, and in the heat of it all sometimes I forget. So I figure before I get into the full swing of things, I'd list them here. It'll be nice to have something to refer back to on December 22 when I'm ready to punch a Santa.

1. The sudden plethora of mint-flavored things. I don't know why mint is associated with Christmas beyond candy canes, but there you have it. Mint hot chocolate, mint milkshakes, mint brownies, mint Hershey kisses, and anything mint Starbucks. It's fantastic!

2. Wrapping presents. I have been wrapping everyone's present except my own for a good 10 years in my house, and I love it. It puts me in the Christmas mood.

3. Trans Siberian Orchestra. Enough said.

4. This year, it provides me with a wonderful stage management opportunity!

5. Putting the Christmas tree up. We're one of those heathen families that have gone plastic and burn a pine tree scented candle to feel less guilty. But I love putting the tree up, stringing the lights, and getting together with my brother and putting the ornaments on. And recently, I love watching grandma walk through the room and move all the ornaments to different places when she thinks no one is looking.

6. The holiday parties that you actually want to go to.

That's all for now. Before we get into the thick of it and start really cursing the time of year, I encourage you to share a few of your own here. I know many of us are eager to ring out 2009, and making the most of the time up until then will make it even better, I think.

Patchie [Influences]

The Kid and I have been sucking up as many of the warm days this year has left that we possibly can, and have spent the majority of them outside. We've gone to parks and playgrounds and she's run around and burned off some energy while I relax and knit and watch her and get my head on straight. It's really been rather enjoyable.

On one of the rainy days (and trust me, there have been a lot of rainy days) I had to go to the food store for the family. So I hauled a very hyper Kid into the car, pulled out of the driveway, and she was passed the hell out. Now, I am no mother. While I have more motherly instinct than I give myself credit for, I still get a lot of the little things wrong (don't mention ice cream in front of her ballet class of 15, for example). But I certainly know better than to wake up a sleeping kid to go into something as mundane as a food store. Especially since Kid is getting big, and I'm not pushing her ass around in a cart. So I sat in the car for over an hour while she slept, texting friends and listening to classic rock. And honestly, it was rather enjoyable.

So The Kid wakes up all disoriented and we get into the food store, and she looks to her left. There is a huge Christmas display full of brightly colored cardboard Santas and snowmen stuffed with candy, cookies, sodas, and other holiday treats. The Kid stops and looks at it for a minute. Then she throws her hands down at her side, looks at me, and goes "Oh, it is WAY too early to be selling Christmas things."

AMEN, KID.

About a week earlier, we had seen Christmas trees being sold, and she asked "are those for Christmas?!" And I told her yes, but it was silly because they certainly wouldn't live long enough to last until Christmas. And I've said or done a lot of things in front of her that I've noticed her picking up...saying "yeah" and "yup" instead of "yes" all the time, for example. But man did this stick with her and is she running with it. Friday she was watching TV while I was making her lunch, and with every holiday commercial she'd whine "it's too earrrrrrrrrly for this!"

I bet her parents love me.

A friend suggested I get her hooked on caffeine and coffee, because no nanny leaves a mark on a family like one who left behind a caffeine addict. While it would be entertaining, I'm enjoying shaping her in much subtler ways. That kid needs a bad influence, and I'm happy to be it.

Patchie [Shares]

I have not forgotten about you, Internet. It's just been a hectic week or so, including a Halloween party that was very strange but also provided one of the best conversations of the month so far, and a trip down to North Carolina to visit my Alma Mater and friends down there where I spent entirely too much money.

And speaking of money, I start paying student loans next month and they are a little higher than I originally thought and I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little worried about it. So that's been taking up time.

Plus I'm trying to get my feet under me to direct a one act for a festival and I feel like I can't get my footing for some odd reason. Maybe I'm psyching myself out a little.

So expect something a little more specific...soon. I hope.

Patchie [Butters]

Post Halloween, I developed a bit of a head cold (mostly a cough) most likely from the unending rain that kept away a lot of the trick or treaters and allowed me to eat a lot of butterfingers. There may have been a low grade fever wrapped in there as well, but I'm slightly special and have trouble reading the old fashioned thermometers and couldn't find my new handy digital one. So the fever will remain a myth.

Speaking of which, is mercury poisoning even an issue anymore? I remember it being a huge deal in science class in grade school to be extra careful with the thermometers, otherwise you'll get a case of the crazies! Everything's gone digital! I worry that if I ever decide to bring a small child into this world they will never know the wonders of a bookstore or a watch where Mickey's arms spin around and tell you what time it is.

Wow. That's not where I was going with this post at all.

So I've got this lingering cough that is worse the more I try to talk (convenient!). The Kid wants to play barbies, but I can't really carry on a tiny plastic conversation without erupting into a coughing fit. So I snuggled with the cat instead. And then it dawns on The Kid: we have not been to a playground in Forever and a Long Time!

Let me tell you what, due to the paving of an intersection it took Forever and a Long Time to get to the playground. Even The Kid was all like, "where are you taking me?"

So we go to the playground, and she plays by herself for a good 20 minutes and other kids show up and hoo boy, they all lost their minds. I don't know if it's the sudden chill in the air or if they are all still high off of Halloween candy and lack of oxygen via dunking for apples (is that even done anymore?) but those kids went nuts. And it was fun to watch them run around. So I pull out my script to read through for the hundredth time, and suddenly I hear a parent calling "The Kid's Mom! The Kid's Mom!" And I realized that was apparently me. If I had a 4 year old already, kill me. Just totally not my thing yet. Anyway.

Long story short, The Kid got her leg stuck between two wooden posts on the top of a ramp ladder...thing. And she was just sort of chillin out like "oh hai, how'd I get here?" until she realized that Helpful Parent was all flailing limbs, and she sort of started to panic a little. So I went up to her, pushed my forehead against hers and asked her to stay calm, and this was just a new fun game! In which I try to figure out how you got here! And more importantly, how do I get you out!

Only, I kind of want her to get herself out. She got herself in there. I'm trying to teach her to be more self sufficient, so I wiggle her a bit and then put my hands under her semi-stuck foot and have her on the count of three try to jump up using my hands. And you know what? She knocked herself free. On her own. And she was scared, but I think she realized she was able to do it. And that was a pretty cool feeling.

So Helpful Parent starts babbling on this story about her grandson who got his arm stuck at "The Arby's" behind a booth and the big fat cooks from the back had to bring out the lard and butter him up to get him out. And The Kid has her arms around my neck and it staring at this parent like she's bonkers, and I looked at The Kid and said "good thing I didn't have to butter you up. We'd have to eat you for dinner."

And she thought about it for a second, and said "we do use a lot of butter in my house."

Patchie [Celebrates]

Yesterday I made the trek up to one of our many airports to pick up Nametwin. You know what is a fabulous invention? The Cellphone Lot. As long as you don't leave your car you can hang out and wait until whoever you're picking up calls you and then you zip into Arrivals. Unless said person is waiting at departures. Or gets stuck on the runway for 30 minutes. Then it takes an extra minute or two.

So she gets to my car, jumps into my arms, and we spooned the whole way home because I am that talented of a driver. She spent the whole time going "are you real? You're really real!?" It's fantastic having her home again. We ran errands locally today and cracked our shit up just like we always have. I'm greatly looking forward to this winter.

Also, I feel like I can officially announce it now: I will be stage managing the Hack & Slash Christmas Special. I will be calling my first "pro" show, and I couldn't be more excited. I took the RennFest job to build my resume and to try something different and do something I always wanted to do, and it's already opened more doors than I could have imagined.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and after missing two years I finally get to partake in the annual bash with my theatre family at home. I'm thrilled. This is the first year I'm going as an actual "character" rather than something very generic and oh my God, did you know it's impossible to find a blue wig?! Like, even the wig stores do not have blue wigs. I didn't think it was that strange of a color! I'm still working on that one. And running out of time fast.

Internet, I have been off work since Thursday for various reasons, and I do not go back until Monday. I haven't had two days off in a row since August, and suddenly I'm looking at four. I am not going to know what to do with myself come Sunday. And it'll be great.

Patchie [Closes]

RennFest is officially over. It's very bitter sweet, because I'm going to miss it like crazy but it'll be nice having my weekends back. Plus, it's not like I'm never going to see these people again. In fact, I am working on the Hack & Slash Christmas Show, which is in December and not that far away. I'll see them soon.
Since I went to my first RennFest 10 years ago, I always wanted the experience of working at one. Now that I've worked one, I never want to work anywhere else. I am greatly looking forward to next year.

So now I can start talking about something else, because I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about how much I loved it. So here are the things you're probably going to get sick of hearing about now!

I am directing a show. I'm not going to throw out much more than that yet, except it's for a competition, it's a script I looked at doing in college, and I'm really excited about it.

I am taking a trip to my Alma Mater within the next few weeks, which may include a visit to the Carolina Renaissance Faire. Because clearly, I can't get enough.

Tomorrow at 4pm, I will be picking up my Nametwin from the airport, and I could not be happier. Crazy adventures shall ensue!

The Kid has proclaimed her love to me. And The Cat has worked herself into more kitchen appliances.

So there you go. Life in a nutshell. It excites me to no end.

Patchie [Drowns]

Internet, I'm not sure if you knew this, but on the east coast this past week it rained. A lot. And not drizzly sissy rain, but big gushing drops that will forever be known now as "Lazy American Fast-Food Eating Rain Drops," thanks to a conversation backstage at the RennFest spawned by one of the guys from Scotland.

But really. It rained. And because I have no sense whatsoever and decided to do nothing but outdoor theatre for the month of October, I was in it. A lot. It started Thursday, when the local production I'm stage managing went back and forth for hours over whether or not we should cancel, because not only was it raining but it was only about 45 degrees. We decided to try to go for it, but after huddling together in the rain for about 20 minutes realized it just wasn't worth it. Turns out, no one showed up anyway.

BUT. On the way to the show, I received a call from Eric, one of my bests from college. "It's snowing in Pennsylvania." He shared. I told him that sucked. He told me he was on his way to visit our college. And that he was originally supposed to hit it by midnight, but with the weather wouldn't make it until at least three in the morning. "Can I stop and stay with you?" He asked.

Internet, the joy I felt was unreal. I would have stood in the rain for three days in order to make that a reality.

Oh wait. I did stand in the rain for three days.
Eric's visit pumped me up to a whole new level of content. I hadn't seen him since May, and it was long overdue. We caught up on how awesome our lives have been and got to spend a wonderful night together dancing and laughing and singing karaoke. He promised to stop on his way back through.

Friday we preformed in the rain and had an audience size that was surprising. It was wet and cold, but the cast members were such troopers and gave an awesome performance. I don't know how they did it.

Saturday I woke up early for RennFest. Still raining! And still 40!
It was one for the record books, apparently. People who had worked there for years said they hadn't seen a day this bad. There was a pool in the center of the stage that was about two inches deep. We'd sweep it off with the broom and fifteen minutes later it'd be right back in place, standing strong. We couldn't set any of the shows, attendance was painfully low, and I wound up being let go early, though I stuck around to give the girl who stayed breaks if needed.

And you want to know what I learned? My boots leak! And not a convenient leak, like from around the ankles or somehting where I just have to avoid puddles. They leak from the bottom. I just simply couldn't avoid it. Ten minutes into the day and my feet were soaked.

It was still a great day though. I found my way to a friends booth which had a roof and was out of the mud and spent a good amount of time there filling up on hot cider and good conversation. I did leave early though, once the girl who was left went home.

Sunday. Drizzling. 40 degrees! I wore rain boots. We got drunk on cold.
Actually, this was one of my favorite Fest days ever. We were determined from the beginning to have fun and though it was freezing we accomplished it. My cheeks hurt from laughing by the end of the day. The drizzle ended by noon, and we were left with cold and damp but still enjoyable. I stayed late for the first time in weeks and hung out with the regulars, and it was so worth the cold.
And I don't know if it was just because I was in the moment, but that was the best bread bowl of my life.

Patchie [Reads]

I am not a casual reader. And when I say that, I mean I don't read a few pages or one chapter a night or here and there and take my time with books. When I find a book, I power through it like it's going to be taken from me at any moment. In fact, if it's a really good book I'll be antisocial and stay in for the night to read instead of going out with people.

The above book, Lamb by Christopher Moore was one of those books, even though it took me a good month to read because life is insane with a side of crazy right now. Every once in a rare while I'll find a book with characters and a story that leaves me almost depressed when it ends because there's nothing left to discover and Lamb can be easily added to that list.

The book is about Christ's childhood, as told from the point of view of his best friend. The humor can be bawdy and is very much in the style of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, but the thing that really surprised me was that I found it in no way insulting to religion at any given point. I mean, I am not an easily insulted individual so I might be disagreed with. But in the author's note he states that what he hopes people might get out of this book is to love thy neighbor maybe a little more, and I feel he really accomplished it.

Definitely worth a read. I've moved on to Fool by Moore, and I'm only just getting out of the back story, but I'm not as attached as I was with Lamb, which is a little sad. But I will let you know how it goes.

Patchie [Introduces]

Meet Nala, the cat. Nala is The Child's pet and isn't quite a year old yet. There is a bump at the end of her tail, because someone probably shut it in a door and it didn't heal correctly. She doesn't notice.

Nala is an attention whore. And I don't mean that you sit on the couch to watch a movie while The Child naps and she's all up in your business. I mean I'll be making a sandwich and Cat will stand on the bread, put her paws on my shoulders, and lick my lips until I pay attention to her. And then she will stick her head down my shirt. I AM BEING MOLESTED BY A FELINE.

She also has this thing about beating me to the laundry room, like if she doesn't get there first I'll disappear or the house will get sucked into a black hole or a kid will go missing or something. I will be coming from the basement and she'll tear past me like a bat out of hell and get to the laundry room, slip on the linoleum, and then look at me like, "what?"

Cat will also sit on a chair looking all innocent like cats are supposed to be while you're abiding to the kids wishes of 19 glasses of chocolate milk a day and then she will LEAP INTO THE AIR and attack your arm. Just cause.

And then there's everyone's favorite List of Things I Have Almost Or Actually Shut the Cat In:
-The Pantry
-Numerous Closets
-Kitchen Cabinets
-The Garbage Disposal
-The Fridge
-The Washer
-The Dryer
-The Dresser
-The Dishwasher
-The Microwave

And the list keeps growing.

Patchie [Manages]

Roughly five weeks ago when I was by the water at one in the morning on The Cape, I got a text message from a friend. "Remember that show I talked about us doing next season?" He asked, "How about we do it in October?"

At this point I already knew I had the nanny job. I had the RennFest job. I would be working seven days a week, probably spending more in gas than I could afford and not getting nearly enough sleep or downtime. So my answer? "Of course."

I have been running on fumes, Internet. On top of the three obligations I've put on myself, I've got a budding social life I refuse to completely leave behind during these two months of insanity. Some days I wake up at eight, drive an hour, go to RennFest for nine hours, drive another hour, stage manage a show, and then drive another 30 - 40 minutes home. Or to a bar. And then I go home. And I'm having a blast. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Without the show life would have been a little easier. It wasn't necessarily stressful, just time consuming. But this show has really been a treat, working with fantastic actors and production team members that have made the show completely worth doing. We have something to be proud of, and I really am.

But what on God's Green Earth made me do nothing but outdoor theatre this fall? Internet, it is COLD OUTSIDE. I have been in a dark theatre for the better part of three years. Since when is it this cold in October?

At RennFest yesterday, I was bad. I spent a lot of money on myself.
It is a Half Moon Cloak, made of 85% wool and waterproof, and I am warm. It will do me well at the Fest as well as down in the outdoor theatre at night. Certainly beats a hoodie.

There's only a few weekends left both of the show and of RennFest, and I will be sad to see them both go. But plans for an Irish Festival are already in the works, I've got Halloween, and I've got a pretty good chance of working on a Festival piece coming up soon. Things will stay busy, which is the way I like it.

And I will write here more, I promise.